Daddy of Three
by Kazima Kuwabara
Summary: There is an inside joke around soul society, more specifically the 11th squad about their Captain Zaraki-well it's more of a natural fact, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he is a beast of a man who enjoys a fight more then anything else.


I really just wanted to do this. I get inspired every time I read peroxidepest17's fic. Espically her bleach drabbles with 500 stories. I think I've read all of them going on 3 times now. 3 she's so amazing go check her out!

Anyway I don't own anyting, but please enjoy.

1234

There was this secret inside joke in the 11th squad, and even in other squads, they seemed to know about the joke. Hell even a few 4th squad members knew about this, "inside joke." And if you thought about it, it really wasn't an inside joke at all. But if you twisted your body, turned your head, and squinted then it could be considered an inside joke and not a natural fact. The inside joke-or the natural fact was thus:

Zaraki Kenpachi had 3 babies.

That's right 3 babies.

One had pink hair, one had a very reflective head, and the other was the most flamboyant being in all of soul society.

This became a natural fact over the passage of time in soul society.

The very first day it was obvious Yachiru was Kenpachi's "daughter," in every sense of the word. He'd picked up the little girl that bloody day in the past, and stuck with her. He taught her how to beat the shit out of your opponent while making it a game. He taught her how to subdue, "dirty rotten pervert child molesters," and then promptly get him so he could finish off the thug himself. He was teaching her how to read, and with stuff he didn't know he had someone who did know-teach her in his stead.

He gave her the world-good and bad. And at the end of the day she always had a piece of candy to show for all her hard work-well more like his. Keeping the kid from not destroying everything in her wake was hard work, and the 11th squad as well as few others noticed this.

And through the years they noticed that it was just not the vice-captain that was, "his," in the sense of the word.

Yumichika, and Ikkaku in their own way-were off limits.

Sure you could fight with them, call them nasty names, with the complete understanding Yumichika and Ikkaku were both going to kick your ass, break every bone in your body, and possibly just drag you through the streets of Seireitei for the hell of it.

But if you ever actually managed to hurt them, or kill them-which was damn near impossible with how those two were, then you should expect a face full of Zaraki.

For instance one day Ikkaku did not come into work. Zaraki had been in a foul mood, and before lunch had arrived stalked off towards Ikkaku's home to find him. After he tore down Ikkaku's door and found him not present, he returned to the 11th squad headquarters and cornered Yumichika.

"Peacock! Where the hell is Madarame?"

Yumichika looked at Kenpachi, and over his pretty face a look of flickering concern and feel flashed over his face. Those flittering emotions never lasted more then half a second but if you really looked you could see it. It is another known fact that Yumichika-as ugly as it was would die-if absolutely necessary-for three people, and Ikkaku would always have number one on that list.

"He went on that mission to take care of some low level hollows in the nearby valley area," Yumichika informed his Captain twittering about how shameful it was not to be back yet.

Zaraki grumbled and headed off to go find the bald man.

Yumichika accompanied Zaraki, Yachiru joining along and within the hour they found Ikkaku still engaged in battle, bodies strewn about everywhere. It was a surprise, and looked like an obvious set up. The vast number of hollows, and one or two being Menos Grandes…there was no way just one person should have been sent out, and Zaraki vowed to break the 1st squad leader's face in for sending a notice that there was a low level Hollow presence nearing Soul society and that it should have be handled quickly.

Zaraki and Yumichika hung back watching Ikkaku assessing the situation.

Ikkaku was royally screwed in every sense of the word,

Bones poking out of his legs that he stood boldly on, holding his ground. Blood just about on every inch of Ikkaku's body, and sword flashing about with an uncharacteristic sloppiness that the bald man normally did not do in battle.

"Ah…he'll regret it if he loses," Yumichika said voice teetering on amusement and blind concern.

"Hmm," Zaraki said seeming to wait for something.

His brow twitched when Ikkaku fell to one knee, and then Zaraki joined the fray.

Zaraki carried Ikkaku home in his arms, Ikkaku smiling as he lay a bloody mess in his Captain's arms. "I got…at least 100…Captain…I-"

"Yeah you got yourself 100, but there was still that 26 you couldn't get. Pathetic," Zaraki grumbled, but her had merely cradled Ikkaku closer, and in almost a tender manner. All eyes fell on the towering man as he came back headed for the 4th squad's headquarters-that being an amazing feat in itself. Zaraki believed a hunk of meat, and sleep could fix about anything, so seeing him willingly headed for help was an amazing thing.

And everyone learned if you got in his path he's splatter your brains on the pavement.

Zaraki marched right into Unohana's office, loudly proclaiming for many a ear to hear, "Grandma! You will save him."

The pretty Captain blinked and rose to her feet, and looked at Ikkaku saying, "I will do my-"

"Cut the crap," Zaraki had snapped an unknown emotion obviously hidden in his voice, "You. Will. Save. Him."

Unohana blinked again, and then smiled and beckoned Zaraki towards the back, "Ah. Yes of course. Bring him this way and I will save him."

And Zaraki nodded satisfied, and then sat in the lobby shooting anyone a look that promised worlds of pain if they dared stare any longer. Zaraki even gave a hard swipe at his own members who asked what was wrong with the 3rd chair. Yumichika sat in the lobby looking pretty, his eyes calm like the rest of him. He was too calm so of course that meant he was worried.

And then hours later Unohana came out and said, "The rest depends on Ikkaku. I have done what I can."

Zaraki got up, scratched his stomach and said, "Phe. Then he'll live. Tell him when he wakes up every day he's not back his pay is docked."

Ikkaku returned to active duty three days later, but everyone noticed that until he could breathe without wheezing, and sit down with out wincing, Ikkaku was assigned paperwork.

And it dawned on the 11th squad that as much as Yachiru was his daughter, Ikkaku was Kenpachi's son as well.

It was maybe two years later when the 11th squad realized that Yumichika was also under Kenpachi's watchful eye.

Rumors had always flown around about Yumichika's life choices, and Yumichika never seemed to mind. But one day when Yumichika was especially tired, and was dirty, and feeling just, "not-pretty at all," Yumichika sighed sad little sighs and his shoulders sagged at the whispers about him.

Zaraki noticed this, and promptly beat every member of the 11th squad guilty or not. And if you did admit to being part of the gossipers he just fucking killed you.

Yumichika perked up right then and as he bat his pretty eyes adoringly at his annoyed Captain people realized that Yumichika was also Kenpachi's son…his gay, gay, gay son.

And so it was a little inside joke/natural fact that Kenpachi was the "daddy," of three.

But no one would dear voice this within range of Captain Zaraki.

After all, no one wants their heads shoved up their asses by the ferocious beast of a man.

**End.**

Yay.


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